Dear Avital,
I write ‘Dear’ to connote a feeling of kinship, as we attend the same school and should look upon each other with kindness and respect instead of judgment and disgust. Your article left me feeling rather irate. Here is why: you had the potential to write about how one’s positive self-image can affect their academic performance for the better. That was in fact where I thought you were going. Instead, you used the article to critique those who you don’t feel dress up to par.
I wanted to hear that when you look good, you feel good, remaining more focused, and approaching the world differently. When you look good, you have an extra smile for others, and others often have an extra smile for you in return. Looking good can improve academic performance and social interactions.
But looking good should never be about appeasing others; it should be about showing respect for oneself.
Everyone is different and has a different schedule. Kol hakavod that you are able to fold your laundry right after it comes out of the dryer! But I’m a commuter; I sometimes do my laundry at 6 AM and take it out of the dryer just before I have to run to the bus at 7:30 to get to class. My priorities are different, and that should not be a negative reflection on who I am. We’re college students, some of us with part time jobs, internships, and, because it’s Stern, husbands. We have a lot of responsibilities. We do what we can.
I have numerous friends, from all walks of life, that go to Stern. They all dress differently. No one has the right to determine whether another’s choice of clothing is appropriate or not. Looking around me, I see a diverse group of creative, intelligent, individualistic woman who do not deserve to be berated because of what they choose to wear. This isn’t a tznius issue; this is an issue of looking at one other with positive regard.
Your article came across with disgust at the manner in which people dress, accusing these clothing choices of giving Stern girls a bad reputation. I’ve been in Stern for a long time and I understand that it gets tiring to hear Stern girls be stereotyped. But instead of empowering the student body, your article made us feel ashamed.
For that, there is no justification.
In an all-girls Orthodox private university, girls express themselves with their clothing. If that means wearing a sports jersey on the day that their favorite team is playing, so what? Why not express what we care about? If my friend wants to layer up different types of shirts and tank tops to make her own personal style, good for her! And if my friend is here on a full scholarship and can’t afford more than one black skirt then who am I to look down on her and make her feel like she’s less presentable than the rest of us?
I respect what you were trying to say, but I think too much was lost in translation.
Sincerely,
Rachel Stern