By Aliza Flug, Senior Layout Editor and Social Media Manager
Growing up, I was often surrounded by adults talking about their diets. Sometimes it was a subtle “I’m watching myself” when declining a slice of cake; other times it was a full-blown discussion about weight loss. I always assumed this was just “normal” adult conversation. It never occurred to me to ask why Shabbat table discussions had to revolve not only around the food we were consuming, but the guilt that came with eating it.
In my teenage years, I was an avid baker. From time to time, I would hear the occasional “you don’t look like you bake” or “you’re so lucky you don’t need to watch your weight” from adults around me. These comments may have seemed harmless, but to a fourteen-year-old with an already fragile body image, they were anything but.
While Shabbat and chaggim naturally involve celebratory food, it often seems difficult for anyone to enjoy even a slice of challah without feeling guilty. Many people complain about the endless meals tied to Jewish culture and holidays, rather than simply enjoying these occasions.
The emphasis on weight loss and dieting isn’t unique to the Jewish world, but it is especially pervasive in our communities. Although social media has seen a growing effort to combat diet culture and promote body positivity, it’s still rare to encounter that kind of messaging in the frum world — even online. Jewish magazines continue to be filled with advertisements for kosher diet products and other weight loss methods. Modest clothing stores are often stocked with smaller sizes, but rarely carry much — if anything at all — in plus sizes. I have also come across an overwhelming number of kosher cookbooks labeled as “healthy,” but they are clearly geared towards people trying to lose weight.
This is not to say that there is a problem with healthier eating or even trying to lose weight, in some cases. The problem is the standards we set, for ourselves and for others. When someone talks about the number on the scale they are trying to reach, or claims that certain foods must be avoided, others begin to think the same way. Constant discussion about trying to look a certain way will only lead others to feel the same insecurities. While there are many benefits to a balanced diet, the emphasis must remain on the word “balanced.” When you rid yourself of carbs, sugars, fats and protein, you are no longer dieting, you are restricting.
Unfortunately, eating disorders are widespread throughout society, and the Jewish community is no exception. In our communities, where we value and care so deeply for others’ wellbeing, are we truly doing enough to address and prevent these struggles? When it comes to a mental illness that is so severe and harmful, how could we not do everything in our hands to protect the ones that need it the most?
In April, I attended a YU event held by NEDAC (National Eating Disorder Association Club). During the panel, someone asked what we can do to raise children with healthy feelings towards their bodies. Panelist Temimah Zucker, an eating disorder specialist, explained that it starts with the feelings that parents have towards their own bodies and how they express that. Of course, it would be ideal for everyone to have positive relationships with food and their bodies, but that is not always the case. Still, Zucker explained that when a parent is constantly shaming their own body, saying they feel fat or need to lose weight, children start to have similar thoughts about their bodies. We must be careful about how we talk about these things in front of children. The brain of a child is like a sponge, absorbing everything it takes in. Constantly talking about dieting and weight loss will fill a child’s mind with these ideas.
The solution is simple. We need to address these deeper issues and stop looking for quick fixes. Instead of opening the floor to crazy diets and weight loss injections, we should discuss healthy body image and self-confidence. Rather than stating that having a cookie will make you feel guilty, take a moment to think about why you would feel guilty about that.
Nobody can change the way they were raised, or the beliefs they were brought up with. All we can do is stop this generational cycle of restriction, guilty feelings toward food and obsession with weight loss. We must teach our children healthy eating habits and raise them with the understanding that food is fuel, not something one should ever feel guilty about.
There are so many things I wish I could go back and tell my teenage self, one of them being to stop worrying about how I appear to others. I spent too many years being self-conscious about things people probably never even noticed. I would often eat in private, worrying that people would judge me for what or how much I was eating. I cut out so many foods that I loved because I thought they would harm me.
I am grateful that I was able to break these habits and thought cycles as I got older, but not everyone is so fortunate. I know that there are so many, within and beyond our communities, who struggle to look in the mirror every day, and have a hard time eating breakfast in the morning. There is a long journey ahead and a lot of work that needs to be done for changes to be made within our communities. But it is a change that is worth fighting for every day.
Photo Caption: Dieting Books
Photo Credit: Aliza Flug