By Zohar Ben Simon, Science and Technology Editor
I set my standards so high for myself, that when I reach my goals, I see it as a given.
I remember a time I got a nearly perfect score on an exam. Rather than celebrate and reward myself for my hard work, I felt disappointed in myself; I couldn’t focus on anything other than the points I had missed. For me, success is not an accomplishment, but a default. When I do well on something, I feel like I am meeting a requirement, and merely doing what is expected of me. However, when I fall short, even minor setbacks feel catastrophic, while my achievements blur in the background as obligations.
In a world that idolizes perfection, it is difficult to accept anything less than your highest expectations; it is excellence or nothing. Whether academically, socially or physically, it is natural to strive for the best.
But what happens when we are not perfect? What happens when we fail? What is our response? I personally have struggled with the need to be perfect in many areas of my life, and overcoming this has not been a straight path, but rather, one filled with missteps and obstacles. It is discouraging to work hard and still not do the best. However, embracing my struggles and realizing that perfection is impossible has helped me grow and learn from my mistakes, rather than feeling defeated by them.
Failure is an inevitable part of life and doesn’t come close to defining who we are. However, not feeling bad when something doesn’t go as planned is easier said than done. We are our own harshest critics, and embracing our imperfections is much harder than it sounds. It is especially difficult when comparison is such a large part of our daily lives. Whether it is comparing looks, personalities or grades, it often seems like everyone else has figured it out, while you are the only one falling short.
So, does that mean I am the problem? This mindset is harmful and only leads to negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations. Although it seems obvious, the truth is that everyone is going through life one day at a time, and the pace you are going is exactly right for you. While comparison is sometimes necessary for motivation and self-improvement, when done constantly it destroys individualism, and our differences are what makes us unique.
In our current society, it feels like every day is a race to catch up to others. For instance, even if I have no work to do, but I happen to see someone else doing something productive, I feel as if I am not doing enough. But this is hardly ever true. No one knows better what you need than yourself. Perfection is impossible, and although it is hard to see, every single person is struggling in some way or another.
We can have loads of accomplishments, but in our minds they often pale in comparison to a single misstep. It is important to do well and try your best in school or work, however success isn’t about who gets the best grades or wins the most prestigious awards. Learning, growing and building relationships are just as important as other parts of your life. Knowing you are doing your best, even if the outcome is not perfect, is something to take pride in. It is normal to feel disappointed when something doesn’t go as expected, but it’s critical to figure out how to bounce back and move forward.
In Judaism, one of the main principles we believe in is loving others as you love yourself. This teaches us to have compassion for others, but, in order to love others as you love yourself, you must also offer yourself this same kindness. When a friend doesn’t do well on an exam, you don’t think less of them; you comfort them and reassure them that it’s just one test and better things are ahead.
So why is it so hard to grant the same tenderness to yourself?
You deserve the same amount of grace. Learning to live with imperfection means showing yourself kindness. A life without perfection is a balanced one, and you should feel good about yourself no matter what. Life isn’t centered on how well you do in school, or getting the highest paying job; it is centered on the mundane everyday events, like saying hello to a friend or laughing at your own mistakes.
A stumble along the way may be annoying, but it never defines who you are. The only person who defines you is you.