By Dalya Eichler, Staff Writer
Their whispers reached my ears. While I was not bothered as this is the usual in any class, I began to pay closer attention when I heard the word “married” and received a glance from a couple of girls sitting in front of me. Yes it was odd, but being someone who tends to wear brighter clothing than the average Stern girl and voice my opinion in class, I was used to their glances.
I also wasn’t a hundred percent sure they were talking about me. More whispers sounded and then I heard the words “two seats behind” which referred to the exact spot I sat in. It just so happened to be the day that I braved wearing a tichel to school rather than my usual wig, and I was already feeling self-conscious. Their comments did not help.
I stared at the back of that girl’s head for the rest of class, frustrated, as this was not my only odd encounter after getting married this past summer. When I try to think about why that is, I find myself back in that moment. I felt like I was a member of a circus.
Early on in my years at YU, I frequently made the effort to chat with new girls and make friends in classes. I would often approach girls I thought I would get along with or be able to have a genuine conversation with. I never started with approaching someone who looked obviously married. To me, they were in a whole different stage of life and I didn’t feel suited to go speak to them. I didn’t think we’d have much to chat about.
I see now that I was a part of the problem in not including everyone, but I never stared. I did not whisper and laugh at someone else’s stage of life, and I’m not sure why I would have.
The life and schedules of married girls at YU are extremely taxing. Most of the married girls live off campus in Washington Heights, which requires waking very early to catch an 8 AM shuttle. Many girls do not have the standard meal plan and have to prepare lunches for the day in order to save the amount they do have for the cafeteria and restaurants. I often find myself more exhausted than I ever expected after balancing the multiple roles of wife and student daily.
When speaking to a friend from YU, she told me that once, she did not reach out to me because she assumed I was busy being married and in YU. Mindsets such as these are not always right, and often exclude those of us who are married who want to be part of the YU community too, isolating us from being a part of the experiences the girls around us are having too.
To anyone who overlooks engaging with the married girls of YU, stares at them, whispers about them in hallways like they cannot hear you, I urge you to reassess. I urge you to think of yourself in that stage. We are girls who attend school just like you, while commuting daily, balancing a constant list of chores and possibly looking for jobs.
I write this piece to say: I’m content. I will go out of my way to remain social and in the loop of YU’s activities and extracurriculars, but not everyone will push themselves that way.
If you are someone who overlooks engaging with a girl because there is a ring on her finger, I want to remind you of the following: after college, you will enter a space far different than anything you experienced. You will not necessarily be in school any longer, and you will not necessarily be surrounded by people who are just like you. It is highly likely you’ll work alongside women who are in a different stage of life, a different age and from a different background.
Don’t let barriers such as these stop you. If now in YU, where almost everyone is coming from similar backgrounds, you find yourself having difficulty branching out to interact more with those who aren’t exactly the same as you, I wish you luck in the real world. I say this as someone who has noticed women looking at me more than they had before, and trust me, treating people that way will not get you far.