By Dalya Eichler, Staff Writer
It is impossible to go through Yeshiva University as a student and not witness someone in your class get engaged. Beautiful, overwhelming, confusing and a lot; these are all ways I would describe the marriage culture at YU. It’s a culture I slowly learned to get used to, and now that I am engaged, am now a part of.
I have spent four semesters in Brookdale dorming, and although it is not luxurious, it gets the job done. Now that I plan to live in Washington Heights, I am looking into the option of YU’s off campus joint housing. At first, what I heard about this option sounded fantastic. One gets to live off campus, in a regular apartment, at a good price, with their spouse. The process to get the apartment involves going through YU, which seemingly would be an easy system, much better than apartment hunting on my own in a city where prices are far from college student friendly. Then, I started to inquire more from people who had experience with joint housing, and to say the least, I was shocked. My roommate casually mentioned how her friend went two days post-wedding without an apartment. Other girls were saying there was no hope in getting a place unless you started very early. They emphasized that you may need to reach out before even being engaged. This was a lot to take in. The whirlwind of engagement set my fiance and I back a few weeks in planning, so not only were we not emailing about joint housing before we were engaged, we didn’t get the chance to email immediately after either. Knowing what people have told me, I was aware that this had to be in the forefront of my mind, and a main focus. I had to be persistent in doing everything I could to get a home. When I first was bombarded with all the stories, I was left wondering, is it worth it?
I made it my mission to figure out, not just for me, but also for anyone else considering joint housing, if this process is rewarding or if all the time and energy would be for nothing. With so many engagements in YU, everyone thinking of taking this route should be made aware of everything there is to know about this process before diving in. The pros and cons as well as the experiences of others should be well known to students pursuing joint housing, especially having decided based on my experience that it is indeed worth it.
Wondering more, I reached out to students for their stories, ultimately asking if it is worth it for me to try and slip into the race of getting couples housing. Although there were many crazy stories, almost everyone stuck with one opinion: if you can get a place, it is so beyond worth it.
Tzippy Rudd (SCW ‘25), an engaged Stern student who is currently working to find an apartment believes that “it’s only worth it if you happen to get an apartment, which is all a matter of chance.” From what I was slowly learning, one’s chances at getting couples housing depends a lot on if and when someone else happens to be moving out of an apartment. Mainly, “if you happen to be high enough on the waitlist and you happen to beat the other couples to it” you’ll be set.
I asked Rudd if Mrs. Reiz, the Operations Manager, is never in her office to aid students trying to get couples housing, to which Tzippy answered, “Never. I don’t know one couple that got an apartment more than a week before their wedding. Most people get it two days before or day of.”
None of this information was new to me. I have heard countless stories of couples struggling and fighting until the last minute to get a place in a timely fashion. Every girl I’d approached always advised me to start as early as possible. They always said that you have to email, and email, and email again. It isn’t guaranteed you get an apartment, but even if you do, it’s possible that you will get it after your wedding. Currently, I have only scratched the surface with planning a wedding. It is not as chill as I remember Bat Mitzvah planning to be. This process in of itself is so rewarding but also extremely tasking and time consuming. Balancing school alongside this planning is doable, but the idea of chasing after a department to do their job efficiently is terrifying. At this point, I was beginning to doubt if even trying to get couples housing was worth it.
I then reached out to a friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, that has been helpful with informing me about the process, offering to answer any questions or provide assistance to help me along the way. “I didn’t have a lot of involvement in the housing application process — thankfully my spouse did most of that. The process did however take multiple months,” said my friend. “Many of those months included not hearing back from those in charge of the housing program or trying to contact fellow students we knew were moving out so that we could look at their apartment without waiting for the process to catch up.”
However, she continued to tell me that despite all the struggles that come along with trying to get couples housing, she is glad she went through with the process. “I will say however that all the hurdles were so, so worth it. Our apartment is spacious and beautiful,” she said. “To be fair, we got lucky, but even that is thanks to this program. We pay an amazing price for a great building and I wouldn’t choose to do it another way. We love it and wish we could stay forever.”
Knowing my friend is very honest and upfront about what she thinks, I trust this opinion wholeheartedly, and this for me would have been enough. Knowing she thinks it is very worth any and all efforts, I was fully willing to jump right in.
Lastly, I went to one more student, who wishes to remain anonymous. I had heard she had a difficult time getting her current home, and was wondering what she would advise me to do. She explained, “my advice is that [anyone pursuing joint housing] should know that it is a stressful process. Always have a backup plan, like temporarily living in a chosson-kallah apartment while looking for an apartment,” said this student. In all honesty, I highly appreciated her telling me what the options were. She didn’t simply tell me, it’s difficult and just wait, but gave me advice for what I could do beyond that. “There is no guarantee, you A) get an apartment or B) get a nice YU apartment, but if you stick it out you might just get something,” she said. “We didn’t get our apartment until the Friday before our wedding (our wedding was on Sunday), even though it was sitting empty for a while.” Although she had a tough time, she didn’t tell me to turn away from this option. She was positive, realistic, and told me what she would do.
Hearing her story from other people, I expected much warning, or advocating it as a last option. That isn’t what this was. Rather, she was aware of the situation, said it plainly, and still she went through with it. Ultimately, as much as I can share everyone else’s experience, list all the advice I was given, and probably sway you to either go with or against the system, ultimately, my own experience will prove to me if it is all worth it.
Eventually, when I was typing out my first email to the department, I felt like I was entering with all the protection and knowledge necessary. A very prepared soldier ready to take whatever came at me. I hit send, and put my phone aside. It was within the next two hours that I saw a response. One of the girls who had given me her advice was with me, and I told her how fast the response came in. She was shocked. I thought maybe it was just chance, but a part of me was hopeful that the system isn’t the same for all. My next email was sent, and again, in under two hours, I had a response. That’s when it dawned on me that I could not take others’ experiences and assume that would be my fate. I used them as the knowledge and help that fueled me, but ultimately that’s all it was. It was what had happened to others and not a prediction of what could happen to me.
So, here is my own advice: Each story is a stand alone experience. Maybe the system is simply about how fast you can outrun the other engaged couples around you aiming for housing, but, if you don’t try, you definitely are left with less options. During the time of engagement, especially for students, there is not only so much planning one can do, especially with the load of a student to tow around. Give yourself all of the options. Allow yourself to have more room to breathe and enjoy what is such a special time. Don’t think that because something is slim, or difficult, that you should turn away or barely try. Be realistic, understand that there are a lot of people wanting exactly what you want.
Ultimately, know that you will find somewhere to live and it will work out in the end. Wherever you end up you will make your house a home.