7:30 AM. The alarm for your 9:00 AM class goes off. Your throat is scratchy and you are chilly despite your forehead feeling clammy. Whine, press snooze, and go back to sleep.
7:30 AM.7:35-8:30 AM. *Snooze*
8:31AM. Decision time: To skip or not to skip? You reach for your backpack on desk chair. Knocks off stack of books. Riffles through backpack to find class syllabus. Nearly falls out of bad. Says phrase that is not “Modeh Ani.” Decides to give up when you suddenly spot the syllabus on the floor where it fell off from the top of pile of books that were once on the desk.
8:38 AM. Flips through syllabus to see how much attendance is worth. You cover your mouth with your hand with you see attendance is worth 20% — same as the midterm! — but then quickly smile when you see that the professor allows for three unexcused absences. #score Quickly realize that this rule applies to all of your classes. *celebratory fist pump*
8:41 AM. Composes email to professors. Dear Professor— Dear Dr. — Hi there Mr. — Wonders aloud why it is not socially acceptable to WhatsApp your professor.
8:55 AM. Emails sent, you fall into a guiltless sleep.
10:08 AM. You wonder if Dunkin Donuts delivers. Decides that you are not that sick, and puts on the Purim Chagiga t-shirt from freshman year and your old slinky skirt and head to the elevator.
10:15 AM. Still waiting for cars to let you jaywalk across 34th St. Decides to risk it and narrowly avoids getting hit by a midtown bus. #blessed
10:25 AM. Armed with a coffee and bagel, you realize that you left your ID and keys on your desk. You ring Brookdale doorbell with your elbow.
10:28 AM. Riding the elevator with a security guard, you make sure to sneeze so she knows you’re ill and not just skipping class. She does not seem to accept the sentiment well and shifts to the other side of the elevator.
10:33 AM. Settles back into bed with food. Texts roommate for Netflix password to watch Friends.
11:48 AM. Wakes up from text from lab partner — Where are you?? Presses play on next episode of 30 Rock.
2:14 PM. Decides it’s time for lunch but too tired from doing nothing to walk to caf. Order $30 worth of pizza from Tiberias. (And an Oreo Shake because #treatyoself)
2:16 PM. Feels slightly bad about spending a quarter of Omni dollars on one lunch. #YOLO
2:17 PM. Presses play on next episode of Scrubs.
3:33 PM. Roommate returns with orange juice. #roommateselfie
You pretend to listen to her talking about the traffic in the 215 elevator while watching Grey’s Anatomy out of the corner of your eye (McDreamy, NOOOOOOOO!)
4:45 PM. Decides it’s early enough to get dinner. Bribes roommate to get soup for you from Mendy’s. Roommate agrees after you offer to sponsor her grilled chicken and avocado wrap.
4:46 PM. Tell yourself that you cannot spend any more restaurant money until May. (Or until the caf runs out of grilled chicken.)
7:37 PM. Remembers work due for tomorrow. Decides that you’re much too sick to do work. Presses play on next season of House.
10:43 PM. Takes two Tylenol for Netflix headache after wrapping up season one of Breaking Bad.
11:33 PM. While putting your laptop away your roommate asks with concern whether you had visited the PA on the second floor to which you respond “WE HAVE A PA ON CAMPUS?!”
#nowyouknow