Intimacy. As human beings, we crave this closeness and understanding between one another. We savor our family ties, we invest in friendships and we seek out significant others with whom we can experience profound and deep intimacy. But what about intimacy with ourselves? It is inevitable that we will be consumed by the surrounding chaos of our frantic, hyperactive, explosively stimulating world, causing us to lose ourselves within it. To feel alive, to feel a pulse and a breath, to really live within that acknowledgement of body and mind in unison is ever so rare.
For a long time I experienced this oblivious disconnect.. That is, I experienced this until my first yoga class. At the St. Marks and 3rd Ave intersection I found Yoga To The People, a non-profit yoga organization with studios throughout NYC. I gradually discovered the increasing levels of intimacy and awareness I could gain by forming a relationship between my mind and my body.
I went into this first class with caution; it was a struggle to keep the pace of the instructor. I found myself imitating all that I could observe–straining, wobbling, falling. I knew though, through watching the expertise and ease of others, that I would improve. I instantly loved the friendly atmosphere that the teachers exuded, and the casual demeanor and interesting diversity of all the participants created a strong and profound energy of real enjoyment for yoga itself. The guiding voice of the instructor allowed me to focus on myself for a stretch of time that lasted longer than the typical five minute period.
I could not believe that I had never given myself this much attention before. “Take a deep full inhale, and exhale with a sigh,” announced the instructor, the entire class following suit. The unity of the students pulsated, yet I was so in touch with my own self in the space of my mat. I listened, moved, felt the sensations and exerted effort, all the while trying to maintain a focused breathing. The moves had a way of drawing attention to my body parts that had previously felt non-existent: when did I ever really acknowledge my tail bone? I am now ever so aware of it and its support for my back (and overall posture). As I stretched my arms, attempting to elongate myself to maximum length, I listened to the teacher’s guiding word. “Now, relax your shoulders, reach up with your fingers, press your heels into the ground,” and suddenly, as I followed, I realized how much longer I could become with these simple adjustments.
After months of these classes, yoga has helped me discover my potential. It has taught me that what I perceive as my limits are very incorrect; I am capable of far more than I think I am. My body has changed. My back feels more firm and my shoulders more relaxed. I feel far more aware of myself within myself. The movement of my own legs, the touch of the soles of my feet onto the ground, the presence of my hips as I move; the breaths I take throughout the day are all significantly more enhanced. All these factors have the power to create a self-awareness that is so very lacking in our world of ceaseless distraction and necessity to succeed.
Time, of course, feels very constraining, as we feel a desperation that each and every spare minute should be devoted to whatever work we must do within that stress and anxiety to keep up with the flow, and we forget to treat ourselves kindly. We only have one body and one mind that we are to be with for the rest of our lives, and that often requires some time off.
I used to feel that I needed to push myself at every single waking minute—to read, study, write, work. With yoga in my life, I am able to detach from the constant mayhem, and be with myself for a while. Am I not worth an hour’s break of real inner focus and peace of mind? Am I not worth that heightened level of intimacy that is so strengthening and invigorating?
Every action we choose to do has the power, through the action itself and its benefits, to flow into all of our daily endeavors. With the benefits of yoga, I have a new intimacy with my body that I take with me throughout my days. I feel a place of relaxation that is imprinted upon my week from which I can draw a sense of calm. I feel connected to the simplest aspects of my existence during yoga, my God-given breath and body, this awareness traveling with me far beyond the yoga studio and into my day-to-day life.