Therapy. Psychologist. Social worker. Shrink. These words make many people cringe with discomfort, unsure about what really happens in that mysterious room.
Recently, a close friend confided in me that she is seeing a therapist. “I love my therapist!” she raved. Before beginning therapy, she had felt suspicious towards the practice. She said she’d rather talk to her actual friends. She didn’t want to “change.” It won’t help, she said. I am not crazy. These, and similar claims, are made by those ignorant of therapy’s true benefits. I too used to be ignorant.
After writing my previous article, Life After Trauma, on my own mental health, I have become somewhat of an advocate for students going through mental, physical, or emotional distress. Being known to many students as that girl who wrote the article, or as the president of the Active Minds club on campus, students have approached me, in confidentiality, asking about the Counseling Center and other places of treatment. However, I have also become aware of how little students understand about what talking to a therapist really means.
What I have also realized is the awful reputation and stigma that therapists and therapy have. It might have to do with it being stigmatized by pop culture (think of the “Freaky Friday” film, in which teen Lindsay Lohan and her therapist mother are trapped in the other’s body, and Lohan, forced to act as her therapist mother, abuses the “how do you feel” line and draws hearts and pictures in her notebook about the patient). Or, it could come from some of our traditional parents who think their child is just “going through a phase.” When someone finally gets the strength and courage to break the silence and to make that first call, that person tells no one. It becomes a secret they think they will take to their grave.
That is, until one person begins speaking about it.
Let’s retract and look at some reasons many college students may be unaware of how therapy can help themselves or others. College is the time to start becoming an independent young adult. In doing so, one begins exploring academic interests, living on your own, doing your laundry, washing your dishes, maintaining a balanced diet and hygiene, studying, exercising, socializing, dating, writing papers, getting a glamorous internship, joining a sports team, joining a club, claiming a major, having a part-time job, making new friends, keeping in touch with old friends, remembering to call your family, taking part in school events, figuring out your future, (get married?)…Yeesh, that’s exhausting right there!
These transitional years begin adulthood. It’s not supposed to be effortless, but you don’t expect it to hit you as it does. Some students excel, juggling all of the aforementioned tasks and more. Then there are the others – most of us – who need some help from time to time adjusting to this new lifestyle. Many turn to friends or family to help with advice, which is a fantastic idea for certain struggles. Or, we have extra curricular activities that help relieve the stress.
However, some students are entering college with past baggage and strain that was never resolved. Or, for others, new stress piles up and they have never before learned the proper methods for dealing with it. Students sometimes resort to alcohol, drugs, masked isolation, and anything else to numb the pain and pretend like it’s helping. When does it become a real problem? When do you stop hiding and seek help? Founder of Active Minds Inc, Alison Malmon, sensibly explains: “We don’t all have mental illness, but we all have mental health.” Understanding that having a mental illness is not the only reason to go to therapy is key to getting to the next stage of help.
I tend to picture the following scene to explain my next point: In “Finding Nemo,” Marlin, the clownfish, has been invited to a meeting with Bruce, the shark (like an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, but this one is about fish not eating other fish). Bruce introduces Marlin to the group and asks him to tell the group his problem, and Marlin responds: “Me? My problem? I don’t have a problem,” to which the rest of the sharks respond in unison, “DENIAL!”
We would like to think we are suddenly strong independent adults, ready to take on whatever the world throws at us. Really, we are still just beginning to peel away from our awkward and tiresome adolescent lives. At the age of 20, you should not have all the answers to life figured out. Life is constantly changing and becoming more challenging and exciting. However, issues can arise during this transition that may negatively affect one’s ability to ordinarily function. Talking to a support system is helpful, but they might not be able to provide the professional advice that helps one understand and deal with their main issues. In these cases, talking to a therapist might be your next best option.
What is therapy? You still might be asking.
To put it simply, psychiatrist and psychotherapist Frank Pittman explains, “psychotherapy ordinarily offers a safe and accepting format for helping people come to grips with their emotions and then go ahead and do sensible things with their lives.” The process involves defining the problem, laying out what a normal procedure for this circumstance might be, exposing uncomfortable emotions that might be hindering the client to do the sensible action, and then helping the client change in a manner that helps him or her do “what needs to be done.”
At both the Wilf and Beren campus, Yeshiva University provides free short-term therapy for all undergraduate and graduate students. The Counseling Center provides information for finding additional services in the city if extended therapy is needed or if they feel a student could benefit from a different type of therapy.
Do not be fooled into thinking every therapist is the same. Akin to choosing a doctor, one should be just as diligent and thorough when choosing a therapist.
In a recent New York Times article, Harriet Brown points out that there has been a recent decline in relating research to practice. Instead, therapists have been using their own “artistic” or “guru” techniques rather than using the structured, directive types of psychotherapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Treatment. This treatment focuses on “the thoughts behind a patient’s feelings and that often include[s] exposure therapy and other activities.”
This “therapist drift” should make one cautious when choosing a therapist. Despite the gap between research and practice, some experts remain hopeful. For example, Dr. Wilson, a professor of psychology at Rutgers University, sees a shift among the younger clinicians, who are using more evidence-based treatments rather than their own biases and a “dim-sum approach” to help their patients.
Experts recommend asking a few key questions before starting therapy sessions. What kind of training have you done, and with whom? What do you do to keep up on the research for treating my condition? How do you know that what you do in treatment works? These are just a few questions to keep in mind to ensure your therapist has the skills necessary to help you move forward.
That’s therapy. Sort of. It’s like any new experience: you can’t know what it’s like unless you try it.
And, in case you have been reading this entire article for the punch line of the joke in the title…Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.
Beren Campus Counseling Center
Wilf Campus Counseling Center