By Chloe Baker, Senior Opinions Editor
It’s no secret that I love to talk. My favorite pastime is chatting with strangers, finding unexpected common ground through conversation. It’s rare that I meet someone and don’t befriend them, or not have what to say to them. But lately, that has changed. On a recent flight from the United Kingdom to Canada, I was seated next to an elderly Pakistani couple and hit an unfamiliar wall. We didn’t share a common language. They didn’t speak English, and I don’t speak Urdu. I tried to compliment the woman’s bracelet, and she didn’t understand. She spoke to me warmly in Urdu, but I couldn’t respond. So I just smiled and nodded.
Sadly, experiences like these are not uncommon. In such a vast world with so many different kinds of people, finding a common language can feel like chasing a dream that is just out of reach, a connection that’s always almost there, but never fully within grasp. I have often wished there was a way that all human beings could understand each other. With so many things wrong in the world, and politics increasingly widening the divide, the absence of a shared language feels like one more barrier we didn’t choose — yet have to navigate anyway.
Always searching for ways to connect, I tried my hand at languages. Growing up in Canada, French was an integral part of my studies in school. But despite the immersive environment, it didn’t stick. When I moved to America, I decided to take Spanish in school. Just when I got the hang of it, I lost it all during my year in Israel, where I focused more on improving my Hebrew instead. Learning a language is hard enough, using it in practice doubly so — let alone trying to communicate in the absence of one. I have spent so much time trying to bridge the divide in other ways, through learning bits and pieces of different languages, and studying different cultures and religions, hoping each new word or piece of information will bring me closer to someone else’s world.
This summer, however, I experienced firsthand how human connection can transcend any obstacle, even the vehicle of speech itself.
When I first arrived at Tikva —a home for Ukrainian refugees in Bucharest where I spent 10 days volunteering — I had no idea what to expect. The five words of Russian that I know would be laughable when it came to effective communication. “Hi,” “how are you,” “good,” “bad,” “please.” I was unsurprisingly nervous about how I would form relationships with the children I would be working with. But this fear faded away almost immediately. Despite the language barrier, I connected with them instantaneously, and we played together, danced together, high-fived each other and just spent time being with each other. In the days that followed, these connections grew even stronger. From screaming together on roller coasters and playing basketball, to going boating, laughing at the language barrier and saying Shema all together at night, we found ways to connect far beyond spoken words. While our shared knowledge of Hebrew proved to be a more than helpful tool, the spark of humanity within each of us and the strong desire to connect with each other was the only aid we needed in being successful communicators.
Last year, I read The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. The book describes how trauma is stored in the body, and among other things, emphasizes that human connection, and feeling safe and seen in the presence of others, is what we as human beings – no matter what we have been through – need. This was enormously evident in Bucharest. I noticed that, despite the trauma that many of the kids have endured in their own lives, they still have the capacity and desire to connect with others.
As Bessel van der Kolk explains, “We are profoundly social creatures. Our brains are wired to connect.” Many studies in neuroscience show that our brains depend on social interaction, and while language can be a powerful tool, love and connection are even more essential. Even in moments when words fail, the intention to connect still speaks volumes.
While I used to wish that there was a way that all human beings could understand each other, I have now come to realize that there already is. It is true that speaking the same language can be an invaluable tool, but the secret to universal connection and understanding is love. The presence of language will not create that, nor will its absence obstruct it. If you are like me and feel frustrated at losing languages you once knew, or not being able to speak as many as you’d like to, know that what matters most is your desire to see people for who they are. Even as I currently attempt to learn Arabic, in hopes that one day I will be able to speak to all people who live in Israel, I now realize that the most powerful ways we can know each other come from the smiles we exchange, the laughter we share and our mutual understanding of each other’s humanity.
My time volunteering with Ukrainian refugees taught me many things, but most of all it gave me living proof that the human connection can overpower anything. As someone who always has the words (and sometimes even a few too many), I was humbled to learn that oftentimes, the desire to love and connect can do more than any spoken word can. What matters most in life are the feelings we convey, which even words cannot always say.
Photo Caption: Volunteering at Tikva
Photo Credit: Chloe Baker