By Aliza Rochwarger, Staff Writer
A few weeks ago, I went to an exhibit called “The Strangers Project” at the Oculus World Trade Center. The concept is simple: a room is filled with handwritten stories from people around the world who have decided to share. The attendees sit quietly and read the notes filling the walls. Walking through the space, I encountered stories of loss, privilege and sacrifice. Each story also felt like learning about myself.
In the narratives and words of people I have never met, I felt a connection – like parts of me could be found in the experiences of others. Euphoric music played softly in the background, creating a calm, peaceful atmosphere. Everyone moved at their own pace around the exhibit and took in all the stories and emotions they bestowed upon the reader. I read a tragic story of someone losing their best friend to suicide. Just moments later, I saw a child’s picture of a frog. No two stories were the same, but they all felt raw, human and relatable.
The experience reminded me of hearing fellow students’ stories at YU’s Stomp Out the Stigma event last month. Sitting in the Lamport auditorium and listening to the three students recount their personal and difficult stories filled me with both a deep sense of sadness and hope. I feel despair for the quiet pain too many of us carry alone, but also optimism for what we can accomplish by opening up, sharing parts of ourselves and supporting one another. The silence is too loud. We should not need to feel afraid to reveal the deepest parts of ourselves. It is often in the most painful moments that we find the most strength to help each other.
The way that we approach mental health is important. When one hears about what someone else is going through, there is the possibility of a social contagion occurring, spreading the struggle where it wouldn’t have been present otherwise. While raising awareness about mental health is important, the growing emphasis on discussing mental health – especially through the sharing of personal struggles – can sometimes worsen the challenges. Hearing about someone else’s pain can unintentionally trigger similar feelings of emotional distress in others.
On the other hand, talking about our problems and sharing our stories with other people has been found to help both those who went through what they did and the people listening to the stories, people who may be going through the same thing. It is not easy to allow someone else a glimpse into who you really are, but it will ultimately help guide you in realizing your potential and take ownership of your own identity. The greatest connections are formed through the most personal and real moments. We can strengthen ourselves and the people around us by being vulnerable and allowing others a glimpse into our own lives. The emotional comfort and understanding that bloom is worth far more than the words spoken.
A common theme I found in the stories at “The Strangers Project” was that after attending the exhibit, people felt that their story was not ‘good enough’ to the ones on the wall, but they decided to write them anyway. I felt so seen as I read the stories of strangers and realized that while we are all born alone and die alone, we do not need to live alone.
As Jews, we are so privileged to have a built-in community, but we need to work on strengthening it. As I walked out of the exhibit, I understood the importance of sharing our struggles with others and how much closer it brings us, even if we don’t know anything else about the person with whom we are sharing them with.
I found “The Strangers Project” to be incredibly moving and successful in creating a space where all people matter and all stories can be told. While many of the stories I read included the themes of overcoming difficulties and inspiring messages, a friend with whom I went to the exhibit encountered more somber recountings of depressive episodes and the loss of family and friends. The collection was arranged thoughtfully, with specific stories placed next to others with purpose. I could stand in one place and still read very different stories. The experience of having a glimpse into someone else’s life and feeling their pain, even while not knowing their name or appearance, was unforgettable.
Perhaps one of the most changing parts of the event for me was sharing my own story. The project has received over 95,000 stories from people all over the world, and being able to contribute one of them is incredible. Upon walking into the room, I noticed a table with paper and pens. I remember thinking, “How can I write down my story on just one piece of paper? And how can I think that it belongs with all of the others, which may be sadder, more important, or more impactful than mine?”
These thoughts swam in my head with others of self doubt and fear that my contribution would not be ‘good enough.’ My hesitation was overcome when I realized that no story is greater than another. Many of the pages I had just read were written just after its author had browsed similar stories to the ones I saw, and they decided their story belonged too. I wrote down my story – or at least as much as I could fit on that piece of paper – and walked away feeling hope that maybe my note would make someone else’s struggles just a little bit easier.
Sharing my life story with a stranger took a lot of vulnerability and bravery, but it also gave me more strength and perseverance to know that I, just like all of the other people who have added their stories to the collection, will get through my difficulties and become stronger through them.
The founder and creator of “The Strangers Project” is a single person. He thought of the idea some twenty years ago and has run the project by himself ever since. I cannot imagine what that kind of an impact that type of job has on his mental health, to constantly be surrounded by letters of inner struggles and difficulties. The exhibit also taught me the power of one person. If someone has an idea that can change the world, they should not wait for anyone else to join the cause when they can pioneer it themself.
I highly recommend attending “The Strangers Project.” While viewing the exhibit, it is important to know how much one can handle emotionally, and when they should choose to step away. However, I believe this experience is unique and can change lives. It is the stories that are most difficult to hear that can change us the most. Reading other peoples’ stories creates a unity with people I have never met.
Maybe this is the secret to learning how to love everyone, even when we don’t know all the parts of someone’s life. I walked out of “The Strangers Project” feeling transformed and connected with others, despite having never met them. Even though we may feel alone, by sharing our stories, we can be reminded that in reality we are not; every struggle we may experience is one that someone else has gone through before us.
Photo Caption: A handwritten photo in The Strangers Project exhibit
Photo Credit: Aliza Rochwarger