By Aliza Flug, Layout Editor and Social Media Manager
Being a religious Jew comes with the obligation to keep many commandments. I grew up learning about the beauty and importance behind each one, however, I think many can resonate with me when I say that I often feel stuck in a repetitive slump with my Judaism. Like I am just going through the motions.
A few years ago, I felt particularly challenged in my Judaism. Struggling with my motivation, I performed the actions, but without much thought or feeling. I davened without paying attention to what I was saying and I kept Shabbat, but slept through most of it.
I had always been taught that a crucial part of performing mitzvot is having the right kavanah (intention) and focus. I felt like a bad Jew for living my life without a strong connection to G-d and Judaism.
Sure, I believed in G-d. But there’s a difference between belief and connection.
Discouraged, I wanted to give up and accept the voices telling me that I’d failed. Thank G-d I didn’t. I told myself that it was better to perform the mitzvot without proper focus than to not keep them at all. I still believe this to be true. Everyone has good days and bad days and avodat Hashem (service of G-d) does not depend on the level of motivation one feels on a given day.
It took time for me to come out of this spiritual slump. I understood that my Judaism was far from perfect but I learned to accept that. Although my prayers were rushed and quick, I knew saying the words was better than not praying at all. After some time, I was able to add more meaning to my Judaism simply because I kept going, even when I could not feel that connection I so desperately desired.
When I daven, I often find my thoughts traveling to far away places. Rather than thinking about the gift of vision, I am thinking about anything and everything from Luke Skywalker to the homework I forgot to do. More recently, however, I learned to shift what I thought was once my weakness in davening and use it to my advantage. Instead of letting my mind wonder, I channel my concerns into my tefillot. I accept my flaws and use them to grow, trying every day to add meaning into my avodat Hashem. I no longer beat myself up for the days that I don’t feel as connected, but use them as an opportunity to improve.
Nobody wants to feel as if they are walking through life without meaning. As human beings, we have a constant need to live an impactful life, and we often have to find inspiration on our own. Nothing that is meaningful in life is going to come easily. In order to add meaning to Judaism, effort needs to be made.
It is important not to succumb to the voices telling us to give up. They try to make us believe that if we cannot be a perfect Jew, it’s better not to do anything at all. As hard as it is, we cannot aim for perfection. There is a saying that perfect is the enemy of good, which applies to the struggles that many battle with in their connection to Judaism as well.
The struggles that I have faced and am still learning to grapple with are not easily overcome. However, our struggles should not create distance between us and G-d, but instead can and should be used as means to grow closer to Him. The journey of avodat Hashem does not need to be a straight path. It is okay to have setbacks and failures. Oftentimes I find they are the most valuable gifts given to us by G-d. They are opportunities to flourish and grow, a means to continue moving forward.