This past September, Playboy magazine ranked Yeshiva University as the college that has the worst sporting life. The criteria Playboy used to score the schools included, but were not limited to: school spirit, student presence at home games, tailgating, and the cheer leading squad. Being an academic institution that prides itself on its diversity and open mindedness, the Board of Directors’ felt honored to be acknowledged in a magazine of such literary prestige.
Nominating us for ‘Worst Sporting Life’, Athletics Director, Joe Bednarsh, felt that YU deserves to be recognized for their complete lack of school spirit as well. Bednarsh doesn’t believe in a middle ground: “If we can’t be the best, then we want to be known as the worst”.
Apparently we are the only school that bribes its athletes to attend games with diplomas from the college that they actually wanted to go to.
Bednarsh also exhibited a great deal of enthusiasm in acknowledging the record YU holds for most consecutive home games where the home team fans didn’t outnumber the visiting team’s.
The cheerleading team is co-ed, but due to ‘shomer negiah’ guidelines, they cheer on opposite sides, forcing the squad to root for the opposing team as well. The women’s dress code requires the cheerleaders to wear skirts to their calves, limiting them to ankle high kicks. In an unexpected twist, Playboy has been inspired to publish a fully clothed issue, thanks to the example set by the Stern College cheerleading squad.
At first, Playboy did not understand why attendance was so much higher outside the arena at the tailgating events than at the game itself. It was then discovered, through intensive investigative journalism, that YU alumni catered the tailgating event and regained funds by selling Israeli bonds.
Being a Maccabee, the costume of our mascot is a suit of armor, thus constricting the mascot’s dance movements to falling backwards. Part of what contributed to Playboy’s scoring evaluation was the fact that the mascot had to remain on its back for the duration of the game, since no one attempted to pick him up.
Amongst the few people that love going to YU games are the referees. Not only do they get compensated for their time, they also receive free medical attention for themselves and their families.
For the first time in the history of Yeshiva University, President Joel has given permission for the student body to read Playboy magazine. The articles, including YU’s impressive set of accomplishments with some statistics to boot, have now been deemed intellectually worthy of being placed on reserve at the school library. Just ask your friendly local librarian. See what she says.