Life After Trauma

By: Orly Benaderet  |  February 19, 2013
SHARE

The only memory I have of December 21, 2012 is walking towards 37th and 3rd Avenue. Then I am opening my eyes, staring at the proverbial bright light. I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead… Oh those are car lights… I think I was just hit by a car…The rest of the night felt like it was, somehow, simultaneously speeding up and slowing down. Someone calling 911. Someone else calling my friend. Strangers crowding around me. Maybe we should move her?…No I think that could make it worse…my friend arrives at the scene. I don’t remember what she is saying. My body starts shaking. It’s cold and raining. My head is starting to throb. Everything hurts.  The paramedics place a neck brace on me, and continuously tell me to try and not move. The police are talking to me. So many questions. In the ambulance, they place an oxygen mask on me. I’m shaking, but I can feel my friend holding my hand.  She’s trying to say anything to calm me down. I’m laughing, then suddenly crying. Is her head still bleeding? Asks the paramedic to my friend. My head is bleeding? At this point I thought I was going to die. That was it. Brain hemorrhage. Seconds to live. Good-bye, world.

Not quite good-bye. After hours of tests and waiting, nothing was broken, thank G-d. There was internal bruising in my lower back, which physical therapy is now helping to heal. I had a bad gash on the back of my head, which explained the concussion and the amnesia from that night. The doctors and nurses told me that the next few weeks would be much worse than right then. I didn’t understand how that would be possible.

Over the next few days, all of the symptoms of this severe concussion hit me: headaches, anxiety, depression, irritation, confusion, sleep disorder, decreased appetite, sensitivity to lights, and difficulty with concentration. These symptoms, along with my constant back pain, made my life nearly unbearable. But I was told by my physician that all my feelings were, oddly, normal. I now think of the Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Dr. Viktor Frankl, who explained, “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal.” Everything I was experiencing was normal, so though it was not easy to endure, it was somewhat comforting to know that it was okay to feel this way.

My parents flew in and helped me recover enough to be able to fly back home with them to Detroit. I had to make up all of my finals and papers when I returned. My anticipated CJF Mexico trip was definitely not happening anymore. Graduate school applications were due in a week. It was fair to say that I had very little optimism for my recovery, or just about anything.

Patience, as well as watching endless hours of movies and television shows, went a long way in my recovery.  Besides struggling to construct a positive attitude, so much of my daily suffering was decreased because of the amazing support system I had. My friends and family sent me gifts and cards; they called, emailed, and texted me daily. My professors were also very accommodating in helping me reschedule my exams when I returned. I have no way to express my deep gratitude to those who have helped me, but I hope they know how much I value and am thankful for each and every one of them.

I also did something while I was home: I called the Counseling Center. Although I talked to my close friends and family about the mental health-related issues that I was experiencing, I had no way of expressing myself properly, nor were my close friends or relatives able to provide the type of support and advice that I was seeking. I needed professional advice, someone who could talk to me more objectively while still being understanding and sympathetic. The therapist whom I spoke to was able to reassure me that my abnormal moods were normal for my particular experience, and, at the same time, she taught me various coping methods to try and decrease these emotions. Without seeking the proper advice, I might have continued to think negatively due to my anxiety and depression. I would have lost most of my hope of returning to classes or a normal life again.

As president of the Active Minds club (a club whose objective is to spread mental health awareness and information to students on campus) and as someone who believes in the benefits of therapy, I cannot stress enough the benefits of speaking to a mental health professional. I do not have a mental illness, but I needed to speak to a professional who knows about mental health. My neurologist, general physician, physical therapist, and rehabilitation physician didn’t inquire about a thorough assessment of my mental health. It was not due to their apathy—it was just not their job. A therapist takes the time to evaluate, assess, and strengthen your mental health, which is just as important as your physical health.

It is hard to get help when you don’t see a future. No purpose. No meaning. My mind thought this way. It’s not in my nature to have these thoughts. But this proves that at any point in one’s life, something traumatic or stressful can occur, and knowing how to react when something traumatic happens is essential for your mental health.

I have had clearance from all of my physicians to return to class this semester. I still to do not remember the accident, but remembering it will not change anything. I will not focus on the “why” of the situation, but rather on how I can make the most of my last semester in college. Though I hope that nobody ever undergoes the trauma that I did, I hope that you have gained some new perspective from my experience,that you will appreciate the family and friends you have in your life, and that you make an effort to take care of both your mental and physical health.

SHARE