I’m sure this situation has happened to you: There’s a heated debate happening ‘round the Shabbos table about politics and the election campaign. A few names sound familiar, but you can’t help thinking, “How do all these people know all this random information? Don’t they have jobs? Do they ever sleep?”
Keeping up to date with the elections can be a full time job these days, but we’ve removed the stress for you with this handy Sparknotes edition of the 2016 candidates! All candidates listed are those still in the running.
Democratic Candidates:
Hillary Clinton
Who is she?
You probably know who this candidate is—she’s trained attorney, a former first lady, former New York Senator and former Secretary of State.
What kind of voters does she attract?
Most of the Democratic party. It’s hard to see her not winning the Democratic nomination.
Her possible stumbling block:
Her team worries that she isn’t relatable enough. Cue comedian Kate McKinnon’s impression of Clinton as she declares to the people of the U.S. that she is speaking to them, “as a relatable woman on a couch.”
Fun fact:
She served as a lawyer on the boards of both Wal-Mart and TCBY.
Bernie Sanders
Who is he?
You probably know the Larry David version of Bernie Sanders, but to sum it up, he’s a United States Senator from Vermont and a self-described socialist (basically meaning more government intervention for economic equality and that he wants to create a way where everyone can have the right to participate in the social decisions that affect them).
What kind of voters does he attract?
Really left-wing Democrats and pretty much anyone anti-Hillary. He’s had a consistently liberal approach to everything except Israel, which could put him at loggerheads with supporters and/or members of his own party.
Fun fact:
He’s got his own video game. When he was running for re-election as a senator in 2006, his campaign created an animated game called “Bernie Arcade”. [Check it out here.]
Martin O’Malley
Who is he?
Yes, there is someone running aside from Clinton and Sanders. O’Malley is a former governor of Maryland and former mayor of Baltimore.
What kind of voters does he attract?
It’s difficult to say. He says a lot of the same progressive things as Bernie Sanders, but it doesn’t seem like he’s gaining much momentum.
Fun fact:
He has been the vocalist/guitarist/songwriter of a Celtic rock band called “O’Malley’s March” since 1988. No, that is not a joke.
Republicans:
Ben Carson
Who is he?
Carson is the former head of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins.
What kind of voters does he attract?
He continues to hold onto the top spot for Republican voters with 24% of the vote, according to the latest poll taken. He attracts voters who are tired of political insiders.
Fun fact:
He was the first person to successfully separate Siamese twins that were conjoined at the head.
Jeb Bush
Who is he?
John Ellis Bush, or Jeb, as he is more commonly referred to (“Jeb Bush” is actually a bit redundant), served two terms as governor of Florida and is a son and brother of two former U.S presidents (bet you can guess who they are).
What kind of voters does he attract?
George W. Bush, mainly. Also some Establishment Republicans and Wall Street donors. He hopes that some Latino voters will get on board too.
Quotable quote:
“Hell yeah, I would!” When asked if he’d go back in time and kill baby Hitler.
Donald Trump
Who is he?
I’m sure this is the one candidate you’ve heard of—besides for being the most quoted presidential candidate so far, Trump is a real estate mogul and a former reality TV personality.
What kind of voters are voting for him?
A pretty surprising amount of voters are pro-Trump—he’s right after Carson on the polls with 23% of Republican voters backing him. The main common denominator among Trump’s supporters seems to be that they appreciate the lack of political double-speak and the fact that he’s self-funded and therefore, can’t be bought. People who are tired of Washington spin and politically correct speeches like that Trump simply says what’s on his mind.
Fun fact:
He had his own board game that was discontinued after poor sales.
Quotable quote:
“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”
Lindsey Graham
Who is he?
Graham is a Senator from South Carolina.
What kind of voters does he attract?
John McCain is a big fan, along with other Republican voters who are fairly moderate on many issues, but combative when it comes to foreign policy.
Fun fact:
Graham is a bachelor, and has promised to have a rotating first lady if he wins. This would make him the third bachelor sworn into office (along with James Buchanan and Grover Cleveland).
George Pataki
Who is he?
Pataki is the former governor of New York.
What kind of voters does he attract?
It’s pretty unclear; he’s liberal enough to alienate Republican voters, but not liberal enough to grab the attention of many Democrats.
Fun fact:
If elected, Pataki would be the oldest president to ever be sworn into office.
Rick Santorum
Who is he?
He’s a former Pennsylvania senator who was also the runner-up for the Republican nomination back in 2012.
What kind of voters does he attract?
Mainly social conservatives.
His view on sweater vests:
“One of my supporters said this is my second amendment vest—the right to bare arms.”
Carly Fiorina
Who is she?
She is the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard.
What kind of voters does she attract?
Mainly conservative feminists and those who want a non-politician in office that is not Trump or Carson.
Fun fact:
She was the first female CEO of a Fortune 500 company and beat breast cancer in 2009.
Mike Huckabee
Who is he?
He’s the former governor of Arkansas and Fox News host.
What kind of voters does he attract?
He has a similar fan base as Santorum—social conservatives are fans, as well as evangelical Christians.
Fun fact:
He might give O’Malley a run for his money—he plays the bass guitar in the rock group “Capital Offense.”
Marco Rubio
Who is he?
Rubio is the former speaker of the Florida house and a current senator.
What kind of voters does he attract?
It seems that Rubio is gradually siphoning off a good amount of Bush’s more conservative voters. His distinction with his Cuban heritage and debating skills are making him look like a potential game-changer.
Fun fact: He’s a Nicki Minaj fan.
Rand Paul
Who is he?
An ophthalmologist, a senator from Kentucky and the son of Ron Paul.
What kind of voters does he attract?
Mainly Tea Party members and libertarians (think: Ron Swanson), but his campaign hasn’t been gaining much traction.
Fun fact:
According to the profile Us Weekly did on him, he cut his own hair on his wedding day and loves Ray Bans.
Ted Cruz
Who is he?
Cruz is a senator from Texas and a former solicitor general.
What kind of voters does he attract?
Mainly pretty hardcore conservatives.
Fun fact:
During an extended filibuster in 2013, he stalled by reading Green Eggs and Ham on the Senate floor.
Jim Gilmore
Who is he?
He’s the former governor of Virginia.
What kind of voters does he attract?
It’s pretty difficult to say—he’s one of those candidates you probably didn’t know was running. (Most don’t.)
John Kasich
Who is he?
Kasich is the current governor of Ohio and a former employee at Lehman Brothers.
What kind of voters does he attract?
He mainly gets the fiscally conscious and blue collar workers.
Quotable quote:
“You know what? Everybody needs to take a deep breath and have a little fun once in awhile, huh?”
Chris Christie
Who is he?
He is the man with two first names—the current governor of New Jersey as well as a former U.S. Attorney for the district of New Jersey.
What kind of voters does he attract?
He mainly attracts moderate Republicans. The founder of Home Depot is a fan of his.
Fun fact:
His favorite musician is Bruce Springsteen and he’s been to more than 130 of his concerts.
Bobby Jindal
Who is he?
Jindal is the outgoing governor of Louisiana and a former Rhodes Scholar.
What kind of voters does he attract?
He’s hoping to attract conservative Christians, but he’s competing with a few other candidates for that audience.
Fun fact:
His legal name is Piyush, but he changed it to Bobby after Bobby Brady from the Brady Bunch.
Now, if you can just keep these names and facts in mind, you should be good. And if all else fails, you can always wave your hand dismissively and ask, “Can we please not talk about politics?”