I want to start this article with a story. Last year during finals, I met another Stern girl in the Schottenstein lounge. When I introduced myself, she answered excitedly “Chevi F!? Like from Stern College: In the Know?” Now, this was shortly after my first “please flush the toilets” post (where I implored everyone to flush after using the restroom) and I thought it was pretty hilarious that somebody recognized my name from the group. It was just the beginning of my love for Stern College: In the Know, a Facebook group for Stern students in which we discuss almost everything. Now, just a semester later, I’m sitting here, writing this article about Stern: In the Know, feeling frustrated, annoyed, and sad. I am even considering hiding the group my Facebook newsfeed altogether.
About a year ago, Stern: In the Know went from being a little-used group for asking about professors and classes to something much more than that. Now, it’s become much more of an online community for us Stern girls. We use Stern: In the Know to organize events on campus and study groups. We use it to share notes and news. We use it to help each other find precious lost objects (from jewelry to IDs), and to let each other know about sample sales around the city. We use it for Tehillim requests and to collect names to daven for on someone’s wedding day. So often, the camaraderie and sheer Ahavas Yisrael that I see in Stern College: In the Know overwhelms me with happiness and gratitude that I attend Stern College. I’ll read some posts and comments and turn to whoever’s sitting next to me and exclaim “BARUCH HASHEM! I love Stern.” I have literally done this on several occasions. We’re a family here and sometimes it really feels like you are all my sisters.
But sometimes, sisters fight. Hard. And bitterly.
And lately, that seems to be the direction that Stern: In the Know is moving to-wards. I read an online comment recently that said something like “It’s a post on Stern: In the Know, so of course there’s going to be something to fight about.” And while that made me feel a whole host of emotions (annoyance chief among them), it also rang out as unfortunately true. Somehow, our loving Facebook community has turned into a place of judgment, fighting, anger, and hostility.
Many remember the feminist debate sparked by last year’s e-card that read “It doesn’t matter how you’re doing on your finals as long as your future husband is acing his.” Another post came from a girl frustrated with the fact that Stern didn’t postpone a final scheduled the same day as a big snowstorm. A more recent post extolled the dangers that club promoters pose to young, college-age girls like us. Yet another discussed the ever-growing anger about the caf card situation.
The comments on these posts share the same problem. Students comment with their opinions on the issue and then get attacked, bullied or ridiculed by those who disagree. The comments I’ve seen – on both sides of every argument – get so mean, judgmental and more close-minded than I ever thought Stern students could be. The insensitivity to others in some posts is absolutely appalling. No woman in our school should ever be told to “calm down” or to “stop being overly sensitive” or to “switch schools” if they don’t like what they see in the group. No Stern woman should ever be told that their opinion is ridiculous or that they’re wrong in their beliefs. No one should ever be cursed out in our group or too scared to share her thoughts on a public forum for their own college.
Yeshiva University stands for sensitivity and acceptance and so must we. Let’s all remember that we are family, we are all Jewish women who must love each other unconditionally, without judgment.
Let’s turn Stern College: In the Know back into a warm, loving place where we can all go to further our minds, share our thoughts, beliefs, and even our frustrations without being attacked. Let’s turn Stern College: In the Know into a “safe space.”