Merchav Batuach, an initiative to create safe spaces and stop aggression against the LGBQT+ individuals on college campuses, has been met by Stern and YC students with open arms (pun-intended). With students spreading awareness and acting as allies, the bullying began to decrease, and anything that could be considered a “microaggression” was considered to be amongst the most profane of profanities.
However, due to the sensitivity that was given towards certain minority groups on campus, SCW senior, Simmy Mazal-Tov, became acutely aware that the bullying of minority groups on campus remained an aggressive issue for one particular group of women.
These women are in your classes, sit next to you on the shuttle, and are (hopefully) no longer your roommates. They are often hard to miss with their “hair” that flows like tznius rapunzel as they saunter across 34th street and bling on their fingers that always seem to flutter over the buttons in the SCW elevators. Likely, you feel like you know each of these women personally as you stalked the friend of their friend’s FB for the three-four month period leading up to one of the most significant milestones of their lives.
If you haven’t guessed it by now, I am talking about the married and engaged women of Stern College for Women.
At first, Mazal-Tov was unaware of the severe marginalization that exists against this minority group. As a mere “fresh-back” she had just thought that they were the few, but “really cool yet slightly intimidating” older girls that got a head-start on life, but did not have much personal interaction with any of them.
Fast forward one summer at HASC, three euphoric months with a charmer named Shmulick Greenberg, and one fall day when dear Shmulick surprised her on one knee, surrounded by tea-lights in the shape of a heart, on the floor in the Brookdale front lounge.
“I knew at that moment that my life would never be the same! I knew that people would be happy for me: that there would be parties, a decorated door in Schott, and… oh yeah..a fiance. But I had no idea how it would truly feel to be on the ‘other side’ of the social dynamic of Stern College,” Mazal-Tov reflected.
She continued, “It was as if I no longer had a face. The moment someone would wish me ‘Mazal Tov’ on campus, it was as if they forgotten how to make eye contact. Suddenly, it was all about the ring. Which was especially uncomfortable when someone only intended to call me by name, congratulatory remarks aside”
Mazal-Tov is not the only one to feel this utter sense of dehumanization. Shprintze Horowitz-Weiss-Cohen (who decided to hyphenate her surname name after being inspired by her parents decision to hyphenate their surnames), a senior at SCW, agreed with the sentiments expressed by Mazal-Tov, and added that the stripping of identity is not restricted to the new placed emphasis on the ring, “Once I got engaged, it was the only thing my peers spoke to me about. Before we had spoken about school, seminary, shopping, and stockings. But after I got that ring, it was all about my engagement status.”
One particular student, Shiksa Lovemaknees, felt the backlash on a whole new level. After getting engaged, and married, she decided to do the unthinkable: She decided to not cover her hair, “At first, I received a million compliments that I had the most amazing sheitel in Stern. However, after I told my close friends that it was in fact my hair, the news spread like wildfire. One student even went as far as saying to me, ‘What is the point of getting engaged if not for the cute head coverings?! What does it mean to be married without a faux rabbit pom pom bouncing on top of your head?’ Students simply couldn’t get their minds wrapped around why I would choose not to cover my hair.”
After hearing similar stories from her peers, Mazal-Tov decided to create a new faction of Merchav Batuach. She wanted to create safe spaces where engaged and married students can talk about the many shared struggles that they encounter.
These issues range from the demeaning feeling of begging to use someones caf card (because they did not have time to warm up a veggie burger at home), fighting the urge to ask a pressing personal question in Marriage II with Professor Price, groveling for a spot on the shuttle, and sneaking into dorm buildings to use the gym. These safe spaces also serve as a place to vent about people who carelessly shame YUConnects. After all, they did set you up with your fiance and/or husband.
To find a safe space near you, make a reservation on a convenient uptown shuttle any evening of the school week.
Optional joint safe spaces for LGBQT+ and married and engaged students to discuss their similar struggles is in the works.
In order to spread proper awareness of the issue, please trend the hashtag #MoreThanMyRing.
Together we can make wed-shaming a thing of the past.