Lately, graduation and life post-Stern has been on my mind. In nervous anticipation for the future, and with a sense of nostalgia, I’ve begun to reflect upon my personal college experience.
One of my recent reflections was prompted by a conversation I had over Pesach. A family friend asked me whether I thought my friends who are currently in Stern are “more frum” than my friends in other universities. She also asked if my friends who had already graduated Stern were more likely to remain frum after college. She assumed that I would answer that women who attend Stern are the ones who are “more frum” both while they are currently in college, as well as post-graduation.
However, when I responded that her assumption might not necessarily be correct, she was clearly taken aback.
Let me take a step back by clarifying my personal expectations and experiences in Stern. Like many underclassmen at Stern, after seminary, I was looking forward to attending Stern to benefit from the abundant opportunities to learn, and from a community that would encourage me to continue the growth I had experienced in Israel.
When I arrived at Stern, my expectations did not meet my personal reality. During my first semester on campus I eagerly attended shiurim, set aside time to learn, and continued to adhere to the other religious standards I had set for myself after seminary. However, as each semester came and passed, I realized that my eagerness began to dwindle. Shiur attendance declined, and I stopped setting aside set time to learn altogether. And yet, because I put on a skirt every morning and mumbled a few tefillot as I rushed to class, I was still considered to be frum, and part of the mainstream religious community in Stern.
All of the opportunities continued to be there, but for some reason, I stopped taking full advantage of them.
While I acknowledge that my lack of consistency is partly due to my specific personality, this also seems to be a pattern of behavior that I find to be true amongst many of my peers. The religious opportunities Stern offered me began to become just a built-in part of the environment, taken for granted, and that existed whether I chose to take full advantage of them or not.
Though there is something to be said about being a part of a community, currently my religious experience seriously lacks individuality or personal investment.
Along with the many changes that will come after graduation, such as starting a new career path and choosing a place to live, I will also have to re-evaluate my religious priorities that have seemed so well-defined by my mere affiliation within the confines of this college community.
Even though the future is uncertain, I fear that I have become solely dependent on the Stern-specific community. I am afraid that just “going through the motions” without much personal investment isn’t going to cut it anymore. Moreover, the “motions” that have seemed to be so well-defined by communal standards, may no longer exist
I am afraid that I have yet to be put in a situation that forces me to think about my personal commitment to religious observance outside the framework of our community.
So, in returning to the original question, I am going to add a tweak. I do not think the question is whether the women of Stern College are “more frum” per se, but rather, a question of whether they are more secure in their personal religious observance.
Though I never attended any other college, from the many conversations I have had with students from different universities there seems to be a common underlying experience: At some point, under some circumstance, they had to question their religious priorities and make a personal decision. Whether it be a major or minor decision, in some sense they felt that they asserted or affirmed a part of their individual religious identity.
Day-to-day religious observance tends to be not overly thought out. However, it is the sporadic moments of self-evaluation, and the questioning of priorities, that challenge and formulate personal commitment to religious ideals.
While the students of Stern college may appear more outwardly “frum,” I think there may be a discrepancy as to when in their lives they will be forced to be introspective and ask themselves the hard-hitting questions that formulate personal religious identity. In this case, students who do not attend a Jewish university, and are not constantly surrounded by a consistent religious environment, are often forced to begin this evaluation process earlier.
Beginning this questioning period earlier or later both have distinct advantages and disadvantages.
One of the critical advantages of having attended Stern College was the opportunity to be part of a community that has demonstrated that it is possible to take the positive religious experiences that existed in seminary or high school and apply it to life beyond. Exposure to a Jewish community that promotes adherence to religious standards is a valuable experience in terms of setting a precedent in choosing a future community: A community where being an observant Jew who is surrounded by other observant Jews generates a pride towards being a member of a larger committed community with shared values.
But, I also think that as a student of Stern College, I have also been put to a disadvantage. It is very unlikely that my future community will exactly mirror the religious community at Stern. And moreover, outside of my community, under the circumstances of the time in which we live, I will undoubtedly be faced with some adversity to my faith and observance. Whether it be at work or in my neighborhood, I will be put in situations where I will have to make decisions about my religious identity that I have yet to really face before.
As current students in Stern, we need to be aware of both the advantages and the disadvantages of our particular community. I am certainly not advocating that every moment of everyday must be spent evaluating our individual commitment; however, we should not blindly fall into the comforts of our community.
Do I think that students who attend Stern or other colleges should be deemed “more or less frum” based on their unique college experiences? I am not one to label, and I certainly do not like the label of “more or less frum.” After all, external appearances are not always an accurate measurement of personal growth and commitment. But I do think there is a distinction in the level of preparedness: Both in terms of choosing a future community, as well as in evaluating personal religious commitment.
So, have I just been pushing off the inevitable? I guess only time will tell.