By Esti DeAngelis, Managing Editor
I arrived at the YU Observer through a series of somewhat arbitrary decisions. First was my decision to pursue journalism. As a kid, after I realized that my plan to be a veterinarian made no sense because I didn’t particularly like animals, I turned to the only other thing I could ever imagine doing: writing. Because actually making money one day isn’t typically something kids think about, my career plan became a shapeless, in-the-clouds idea of spending the rest of my life putting pen to paper. Then, at some point between applying to Stern with an intended English major and actually arriving here, I decided I needed to be (somewhat) more practical. The journalism concentration appealed to me because it suggested a defined career path. But there was nothing about journalism itself that attracted me to it. In fact, I was painfully shy, so the choice seemingly made no logical sense.
Once I decided I was going to try to make this whole journalist thing happen, I figured writing for a school newspaper was a necessary experience-builder and resume-enhancer. I had never done anything like it before.
Reader, I speak to you as someone who used to be afraid to make an appointment or place an order over the phone, so believe me when I say none of this made any sense. I vaguely knew that there were two YU newspapers, and I applied to be a staff writer for the YU Observer because their application arrived in my inbox first at the end of my first semester.
I never proactively decided to join the editorial team either, but after a few months as a staff writer, I was asked to be an opinions editor. The next thing I knew it was the end of my first year at the paper and I was again being encouraged to apply for a new position, this time as managing editor. I had never really thought I was capable of that either, but I got the position, and here we are, at the end of a two-year journey my younger self could never have imagined.
I arrived at this position through what I guess are happy accidents. But what I discovered along the way is that the places life takes you are the places you’re supposed to end up, even if they aren’t places you proactively tried to go. At the YU Observer, I’ve found the courage to call myself a journalist, and it’s a title I would now choose over and over again.
The YU Observer will forever be the home of so many of my firsts: my first articles to appear on the internet, the first article that ever required me to pick up the phone and introduce myself in a way that is now second nature — “My name is Esti DeAngelis, and I’m a reporter.” And so, though I can’t say that if you go back through my childhood you’ll find any indication that this is what I wanted to do with my life, the YU Observer taught me that sometimes the best way to discover something about yourself is by doing. It reminded me that sometimes all it takes is one person, or in this case one publication, to believe in you for you to realize you’re capable of things you never thought you were.
It’s only right that I thank some of the people who shaped the paper that has shaped me. To Emily Goldberg, the editor-in-chief who first hired me, thank you for believing in me when I said that I had no experience but wanted to try anyhow. Thank you for showing me that no perspective is too niche to deserve attention. Some of the most powerful articles I’ve read and edited in my time here have been about topics I never would have thought could teach universal lessons.
To every editor who gave me thoughtful feedback about my own writing, thank you for using your own strengths to help me improve, and for continuously reminding me that there is always, but always, something more to learn. To everyone on our team who works behind the scenes, keeping our website running and making sure our paper makes it to stands looking beautiful, thank you for doing so much for so little credit. To our readers, thank you for reaffirming that what we do matters, and for starting conversations beyond our pages.
And thank you to Shira Kramer for choosing me as your managing editor, even if you were worried I was a little too quiet to boss people around. I hope I’ve shown you another side of myself, but in reality it was you who helped bring out that side. Thank you for showing me what it means to be a true professional who thinks deeply about everything she does. You bring out my best writing and have done the same for countless others. Wherever I go next, it will be strange not having your input, though whether you like it or not I may seek it out anyway.
I wouldn’t say I’m a different person because of the YU Observer since I don’t believe that’s the most accurate way to describe profound change. I would say that the YU Observer showed me I could do things I didn’t realize I was capable of.
I’ll admit, my heart still beats a little faster right before I dial a phone number, but I do it anyway. And each time, I feel a little more confident. I still doubt my abilities and my competency, but I write and report anyway because people believe in me more than I believe in myself.
Being a journalist is about doing enough good work to gain the trust of your readers. And yet, looking back, so many people trusted me long before I earned it. It is because of them that with every new day I felt confident enough to think that maybe this journalism thing can work after all.
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