By Shira Kramer, Editor-in-Chief
When I got engaged in May, I was sure I wouldn’t be getting married until after I graduated. I always imagined marriage as something that came later — after finals, after leadership roles, after all of my boxes were checked. As someone who tends to overfill her plate, waiting until this summer felt like the responsible choice.
That certainty lasted until May 23, when my boyfriend of two years got down on one knee.
For the first few days, the excitement drowned out the urgency of planning the wedding. At my vort (engagement party), when people asked us about the “big day,” we said we weren’t sure — partly because we really didn’t know, and partly to avoid the embarrassment of telling people who typically had three-month long engagements that we were going to wait a little while.
But when the family left and the mazel tovs died down, I realized that there was no way I could wait 13 months to marry my fiancé. For a girl who had her five-year plan all worked out, this revelation was hard for me to acknowledge. I hate admitting when I’m wrong, even if I know it’s what’s best. But, after getting over that fear, I began to think about when the perfect date would be. I knew it couldn’t be during a regular school week because I have too much going on during the semester. When the idea of winter break came up, I chose the first date available.
During the summer, I wanted to get as much wedding planning done as possible. But that turned out to be a lofty goal as most vendors told me “not to worry about it” until the month before the wedding. They weren’t used to planning so far in advance. I guess they didn’t have to take Advanced Journalism in the fall. So I did as much as possible, but as I moved my stuff back to Midtown Manhattan, I realized I needed to focus on school.
When the semester started, I worked hard to do well on the LSAT and complete law school applications. I was constantly overwhelmed, but any time I mentioned it to someone they would say, “Wedding stress?” Just a couple months away, the wedding was the furthest thing from my mind.
I found the assumption ironic. Many people think that for brides, weddings are the ultimate priority — something that women build up to for their entire lives. For me, I wasn’t focused on elaborate centerpieces or complicated seating charts. My worries lay in my personal statement, logical reasoning practice questions and the difficulty of remembering the workload for my five classes. Those who believe weddings are all-consuming clearly haven’t met an engaged pre-law student.
Somewhere along the way, “engaged” became a synonym for distracted. As if once there’s a ring, everything else gets placed on the back burner. While I wished my days were filled with tasting cakes and picking tablecloth colors, the only time I had in my day for wedding planning thoughts was as I was getting ready for bed.
When I received my law school acceptances a month before my wedding, I didn’t feel the relief I had been yearning for. I knew there was more stress ahead.
Now, it’s a week and a half before my wedding, and while most brides might be focusing on self-care, I’m focusing on finals. For the first time in my life (or what seems like it), I am okay with being overwhelmed. I know that at the end of the tunnel, I will have accomplished things far beyond decorating while still having a fabulous wedding.
I always thought I’d start my married life when things calmed down. But after realizing they never do, I chose to start now — in the middle of everything, with a million things on my to-do list. Timing isn’t everything. And for me, it never had to be.
Photo Credit: Unsplash